All of the Little Things
by SLONE13
Summary: Random stories of the Percy Jackson character. Don't go judging covers by their looks now, sonny! (I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or Heroes of Olympus.)


It all started when our super geek, Percy, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously concerned, Percy stroked a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved iPad was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Nico. Percy had known Nico for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Nico was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Percy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Nico picked up to a very mad Vincent. Nico calmly assured him that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet legless puppies usually sassily grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Percy. Why was Nico trying to distract Percy? Because he had snuck out from Percy's with the iPad only four days prior. It was a eccentric little iPad... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Percy got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. Nico grimaced. Reluctantly, Nico invited him over, assuring him they'd find the iPad. Percy grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Nico realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPad and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Percy took the magic flying carpet, he had taken at least six minutes before Percy would get there. But if he took the pegasus? Then Nico would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Nico was interrupted by two insensitive unicorns that were lured by his iPad. Nico yawned; _Not again_, he thought. Feeling relieved, he skillfully reached for his ripened avocado and skillfully grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent—the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the car rolling up. It was Percy.

-o0o-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Percy was off of the pegasus and went explosively jaunting toward Nico's front door. Meanwhile inside, Nico was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the iPad into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his rhinoceros. Nico was angered but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

"Come in," Nico charismatically purred. With a hasty push, Percy opened the door.

"Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted zealous...zealot in a homemade car," he lied.

"It's fine," Nico assured him.

Percy took a seat excruciatingly close to where Nico had hidden the iPad. Nico sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.

"Uh. Can I get you anything?" he blurted. But Percy was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Nico noticed a pestering look on Percy's face. Percy slowly opened his mouth to speak.

"...What's that smell?"

Nico felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Percy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the iPad right by his oscillating fan.

"Wh-what? I don't smell anything...!"

A lie.

A pestering look started to form on Percy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place.

"Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatoes from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier."

Percy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Nico could react, Percy aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

Percy stared at Nico for what must have been ten seconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Nico groped flamboyantly in Percy's direction, clearly desperate. Percy grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked.

Nico let out a eccentric chuckle. "If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Percy," he rebuked. Nico always had been a little abrasive, so Percy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Nico did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Nico looked on, blankly. "What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know." Silence from Percy. "And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!" Suddenly Nico felt a tinge of concern for Percy. "Oh. You...okay?" Still silence. Nico walked over to the window and looked down. Percy was gone.

-o0o-

Just yonder, Percy was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Nico's place. Percy had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral unicorns suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Percy. Already weakened from his injury, Percy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of unicorns running off with his iPad.

About six hours later, Percy awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Percy did not know where he was. Deep in the arid secret vineyard, Percy was exceedingly lost. Ever so extemporaneously, he remembered that his iPad was taken by the unicorns. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen unicorn emerged from the foxy forest. It was the alpha unicorn. Percy opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the unicorn sunk its teeth into Percy's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Percy's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than nine miles away, Nico was entombed by anguish over the loss of the iPad.

"MY PRECIOUS!" he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ripened avocado. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Percy...wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sapling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant unicorns, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.


End file.
